What I Have Gotten Right

This blog is about me improving my life, about going after what I want and ultimately figuring out what I actually do want in life. I think it is also important to first acknowledge what I have gotten right in life so far, and who inspires me to do this self improvement work.

My parents: I truly admire my parents. Not just because they are my mom and dad but because of the people that they are. Sure, they have made mistakes but it's recovering and making amends that has shown me how lucky I am to have them. Having a daughter who is severely depressed and struggling to take care of herself is not easy. I did not make it easy growing up: I fought with my sisters, cried more times than I care to admit and was just generally a difficult child for quite a few years. My parents never wavered in their support. My mom took me to countless Doctors appointments, cooked me my favorite food when I did not feel like eating, and was front row for every game, show, and event I ever participated in. My Dad supported me in every way he knew how: making sure I ate, exercised, and talked when I wanted to.

My twin sister is everything to me. We can do absolutely anything together, or nothing at all and I still feel at home and safe. She is kind, creative, thoughtful, caring and one of the best people I know. How does Emma push me? She pushes me to be a kinder, more considerate person. Emma is constantly on the hunt to help people, to encourage them, to lend them a hand with absolutely no expectation for anything in return. She thinks deeply about what other people need and meets them where they are at right when they need someone the most. She cares intensely about every person she meets and that vulnerability and concern is an absolute strength for a future Physician’s Assistant. She is slow to anger and quick to forgive. My sister is my safety net for whenever I fail. If I fall? She is right there to pick up the pieces no matter how many times I get it wrong. It is her unconditional love that keeps me going on my toughest days: reminding me to remain steadfast in the face of uncertainty because if everything else fails? She’s got me.

My little sister? She is the firecracker of my life. When I was trying on dresses for high school formal, Alex told me my dress was ugly and I would look much better in an alternative she had selected. Alex is bold, passionate, empathetic and an absolute force to be reckoned with. She has a perspective on life that I could only dream about when I was her age. It is her confidence in who she is that inspires me the most. Dye her hair dark with blonde streaks? Sure. Pierce her nose? Sure. Drive around town in a blue mini cooper with a bedazzled license plate? Definitely. Alex is firm in what she wants, and firm in what she does not. An adamant pescatarian since she was 12, there has never been a doubt in my mind that she is going to blaze her own path in this world. She has a zest for life that I wish to emulate, and a compassion for people that I hope to have a fraction of. Not only does Alex inspire me to remain true to who I am, she motivates me to be the best person and best sister I can possibly be.

Family is often chosen for you and I have gotten really lucky with some of the best people I know. My chosen family? My friends? Madyson, Mikayla, Emma… words cannot express how much you mean to me, but I will try.

When a small ginger walked into my middle school’s office I had no idea what was in store. Madyson was my soccer teammate for over 10 years and now is my teammate in life. A connoisseur of dance moves, an exceptional leader, and an aspiring doctor, Mady has never been afraid to chase her dreams or take on challenges. Studying for the MCAT while taking class and also working a part time job? So what? It’s Mady FitzGerald we are talking about. The year I was nonexistent and only had time for therapy? No effect on the strength of our friendship. When I was ready, she was right there waiting to give me a hug.

She is the most dependable friend no matter the distance or obstacle I am going through. Her confidence in me, and patience with my communication (and lack of texting) inspires me to be a better friend. From a trip to Europe, to exploring Boston, Mady immediately puts my anxiety at ease and we pick up right where we left off. She never says no to adventure and pushes me to experience everything life has to offer. She is the definition of a forever friend and after 10+ years she will never get rid of me. To know Mady is to love her, and I am forever grateful that she picked me up at my lowest and continues to inspire me in every step I take forward.

I am not an easy person to live with. Both mentally and practically. Mikayla has filled everything I could possibly hope for both as a roommate and a best friend. She has the absolute biggest heart that feels, cares and loves deeply for everyone around her. Dance parties at 11pm? Always down. When I am overwhelmed, movie nights instead of going to bars? Of course. Ubering with me to the ER and sleeping on a plastic chair next to my hospital bed at 3am? No question, she was there updating my parents every step of the way. When I talk about when Mikayla and I first met, or how we became roommates, I cannot remember the exact moment we became friends. Honestly, it felt like we had always been in each other's lives and that speaks to Mikayla’s character. She takes the time to get to know everyone around her and provide comfort for whatever they are going through. I did not need any extra time to be comfortable living with her, she is just the kind of person you love instantly.

Throughout college and now beyond she is my constant rock. Making me dinner, cleaning dishes I forgot, going on countless walks, and switching my laundry from the washer to the dryer: Mikayla is a giver by nature. Mikayla is a selfless friend who has the purest heart. My best college memories are adventures we went on just the two of us. Despite a learning disability, she rocked her way through college getting a degree in Communications. She inspires me to love deeply, to break past obstacles, and never forget my worth.

Emma is the kind of person who changes your life when you meet her. A fellow computer science nerd, she is one of the smartest people I know and I have no doubt that she will change the world. Emma is the kind of friend people aspire to be: dependable, caring, and authentic. She is inspiring in so many ways that it is hard for me to articulate just exactly how much she means to me. She has held me accountable to be a better friend as well as a better person. She has taught me boundary setting, communication, and self reflection.

She is the kind of person that makes everyone around her better. She has so many amazing qualities but the thing I admire most about her? Her relentless desire to be a better daughter, sister, friend and person. She inspires me to keep learning, and to keep growing no matter how many mistakes I make.

I do not want to be a better person just for myself. I want to be better for these people. They have continued to pick me up and push me forward and I owe it to them as well as myself to take on the world with enthusiasm and joy. When I feel defeated or alone I look at this support system of people I have and realize how incredibly blessed and lucky I am.