Chipotle and Airplane Metaphors

I have made a promise to myself to do one thing each week that makes me slightly uncomfortable. Not in a painful way, but in a way that encourages my growth as a person. This past week I took a risk and asked someone out. Not a romantic interest, and not on a date, but I asked a friend from high school, Emily, who I reconnected with at my gym to go to dinner. As someone who has struggled in the past, connecting with people and maintaining friendships, I was thrilled when we headed to Chipotle after our workout class. We are at very similar places in our lives: newly single, freshly graduated and now employed, and both passionate about improving our mental and physical health. In our conversation we talked about a situation everyone who has been on an airplane has experienced.

The flight attendant is on the plane and giving the safety demonstration. They say something along the lines of “if there is ever a change in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will automatically drop from the ceiling. To put the mask on… blah blah blah… Remember to always put your own mask on before helping others!”

This makes sense right? You need oxygen to live, you should put your mask on first so that you can then help make sure other people are safe. We used this situation as a metaphor. In the context of our lives, Emily and I shared that we felt like for the past few years we had been running around trying to put on other people’s masks all the while we were running out of oxygen and suffering ourselves. It feels good to help other people: the sense of belonging, feeling needed, and the confidence you gain from advising others is addicting in a way. That being said, your own problems, the ones you are neglecting while focusing on others do not go away. In fact, I can recognize firsthand that they just get bigger. I am not saying that you should live your life selfishly, but it is important to evaluate if you are truly doing what you need to be healthy before extending and helping others.

One reason that I think people focus on helping others is because the opposite is freaking hard. Working on yourself kind of sucks in my opinion: it’s rewarding, but it definitely is not easy. Therapy can be really expensive, and it is often stigmatized or treated as taboo. Outside of therapy, good habits like journaling, reading, meditation, and self reflection are hard to create and equally hard to maintain. Overall, realizing and recognizing your faults, your issues, your trauma, and your habits is a humbling experience: being forgiving and loving towards yourself despite all of these issues, faults, etc. is even harder. One of the scariest things about this self work too, is that the work is never done. You work through one thing: the next one to take on is already in line waiting in your mind.

That being said, you are the only YOU you’ve got. Take care of yourself. One thing that Emily talked to me about that I am going to try this week is treating myself like I am my own best friend. Would you talk to your best friend the way that you talk to yourself? In my case… definitely not. You deserve grace. You deserve patience. You deserve encouragement. Your life and issues deserve time and energy.

Thank you Emily for always making me laugh, giving such amazing advice, getting Chipotle with me, and for inspiring this blog post. The work I did on myself this week? Realizing that sometimes self care is not always glamorous, and it does not always feel good in the moment. Sometimes taking care of yourself means saying no to friends or family. Sometimes it is tackling the pile of laundry you have in your room instead of watching another tv show. Sometimes it is getting Chipotle with funny, amazing new friends, and sometimes it means putting your mask on first before helping others.