23 Thoughts for 23 Trips Around the Sun

Without a doubt my 23rd trip around the sun has been a tough year. Graduating college in the middle of a pandemic has brought on a major identity crisis. Without school and without sports it is not uncommon that I feel like I am floating through my days without any real direction. If you ask any of my friends the phrases “I don’t know”, “I have no clue what I am doing”, “Does anyone know what we are supposed to do?” and any variation in between frequent our conversations. That being said, I have accomplished so much and I am proud to be where I am. I have learned so much about who I am, what I value and who I want to become. Below are a collection of 23 feelings, realizations and ideas that have affected me throughout my year of being 22. I put them together from Instagram posts I had saved, quotes I wrote down on post notes, conversations with friends, therapy sessions, and books that I was lucky enough to experience.

Some of them are funny and comedic realizations that the onslaught of adulthood has thrust upon me, and others are some tough things I have had to wrestle with both as I become the person who I want to be and navigate letting go of expectations from others. I am excited to take this miscellaneous collage of thoughts into 2022 and my 23rd trip around the sun. Thank you to anyone and everyone who has been in my life this past year, I am grateful for you and so blessed to have such an amazing support system. Here’s to 23 :)

1. Who you follow on Social Media is important → I have always heard about the toxicity of social media, but I feel lucky that it was not until this year that the unrealistic portrayal of people and their lives on Instagram started to affect me. I was following a few fitness influencers, and got caught up in what their bodies looked like compared to mine. That’s not fair… I am not them. I already have an identical twin and as far as I know no one else in the world has our identical DNA so of course I look different than these women. That does not mean that staring at their pictures and workouts everyday made me feel better about my body or helped me figure out what workout routine was best for me. If anything, it was harmful because I was filling my feed with unrealistic expectations and diet culture norms that were not healthy. You know what made me feel better? Unfollowing those accounts and choosing social media role models that I could relate to. Whitney Simmons has psoriasis and is an amazing role model for mental health authenticity, and Victoria Garrick who has a fantastic podcast confronting the “realness” in her life that is not always appealing but most definitely authentic. Just like many of us would not want to have toxic friends in our lives, why do we settle and continue to identify with toxic “followers” on social media?

2. There is always something more, what are you doing with what you have right now? → There is always going to be the next goal you want to accomplish, the next mountain you want to climb. It is an amazing trait to be ambitious, but there is also something to be said for being content with the present. One thing that I have found is if you are always looking for the next problem to solve or the next flaw in yourself to patch up, you lose respect for who you are right now. And the you that you are right now is amazing. I found this quote that I love and it says “I do not need to be fixed, but I am in need of ready maintenance”.

3. Not everyone deserves 100% of your effort → this is a hard realization. Especially for people who truly care about those around them and want the best for their friends and family and people love. You can be a giving person, you can be a kind person, and you can be a loving person, but if you are not getting that same care, love, and thoughtfulness back it’s not worth your effort. Obviously, I am not talking about if a friend or someone you care for is going through a really tough time and is not capable or able to be a good friend for a bit. I mean habitually if the people you are showing up for cannot or will not show up for you in return, maybe it's time to re-evaluate the amount of effort you are putting into those relationships.

4. Self Care Isn’t Selfish → taking care of yourself is not inherently selfish. It’s often a necessity so that you can be the best daughter, sister, friend, coworker, person, etc. that you can be. If you are not taking care of and showing up for yourself, how can you expect to be there for others?

5. Self Care Isn’t Always Fun → This point goes with #4. I have grown up with this societal view that self care consists of face masks, and pedicures, or eating your favorite dessert. Yes, to some extent treating yourself to something you enjoy is a great way to practice self care. Other times, self care is anything but fun. Currently, my weekly self care is making sure I can see the floor in my room (yes, mom I actually do clean it sometimes), and making sure I have enough clean laundry to last my next week of workouts and work meetings. As someone who routinely struggles with balancing their mental health and their daily activities, I need to force myself to do my chores in order to put myself in the best situation for the upcoming week.

6. You are the ONLY one who can make your life look the way you want it to → This is 100% an adult realization. For the longest time, as a kid and in college, I looked at others around me to help plan trips, activities, and things to do. Usually I had the next step planned out (ex. school), and my time was filled with miscellaneous sports and activities. Now that I am an adult, I have realized if you want to go somewhere? Plan a trip. Have a hobby you want to try? Make it happen with a friend. Do not rely on others around you to make you happy. Create a life you love.

7. Mentors are important → Face it. Adulthood is freaking intimidating and has a wide range of topics that are for sure not covered in the classroom. You need help. Everyone needs help. Professionally, that help can come from a mentor: someone who has been or is currently in a place that you want to be. Use your resources and learn from more experienced people around you.

8. Taxes suck but also yay for money back? → recently I have decided that taxes are the most boring task known to man (sorry all of my accounting friends). That being said, I think I am getting some money back from our lovely government this year, which has me and my postgraduate bank account pretty stoked. Also, how do you know that you are doing your taxes correctly??? Does someone check?? If so, whose job is it to double check people’s taxes…?

9. True friends challenge you to think differently → anyone can tell you that you are doing a great job, and you're a good person. It takes a true friend, who really knows you, to call you out and help you be a better person. I want true friends in my life.

10. Beneficial communication is sometimes awkward. → one of the things that I have adopted in my 23rd year around the sun is asking the question “Do you want to rant, or do you want advice?” There are a lot of other variations on those questions, but I have found that this has been SO incredibly helpful in my relationships. As a natural fixer, I found myself constantly wanting to solve other people’s problems, yet I would get annoyed when all I wanted to do was rant about my annoying classmate and my best friend tried to get me to “see their perspective of things”. Talk about the the expectations of your conversation beforehand.

11. Boundary setting is hard → I think boundary setting falls under “not fun” self care. It is really hard to stick up for yourself and protect yourself from harmful conversations, situations, etc. especially in regards to people you really care about. All that said, I have found that having boundaries with friends and family has brought me better relationships in general. Start small, by saying no to activities you do not want to do.

12. Apparently sleeping is a coping mechanism? → I used to just think I was just a tired person. The average person needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night and I was routinely getting 10, but was still tired and sometimes napping before or after I worked out. One day I was talking with my therapist and she asked if I slept because I was physically tired or emotionally tired. WOW, was I shocked. Now we are working on ways that I can process my emotions without shutting them out by sleeping.

13. You can “Live to Work” or “Work to Live” → or somewhere in between. Sometimes you will love your job, sometimes you will dislike it. Like I said earlier, it is up to you to create your happiness. A balance between working hard and living hard has brought me the most happiness so far.

14. Living at a hurried pace is easy, slowing down is hard → even when I was at my absolute lowest, I still managed to finish school work, go to soccer, and keep up with my family. I was so conditioned to just keep going that it was only when I stopped to feel the full force of my emotions that I folded. This appears in my adult life as well. It is easy to go from one thing to the next, to the next. The real challenge comes when you slow down and process everything you are thinking and feeling, but that is also where I believe the most growth comes too.

15. You don’t need to “fix” your feelings → by now everyone knows that I am a self proclaimed “fixer”. One of my favorite quotes from this past year is from Glennon Doyle who says this: “I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. But I’ve accepted the fact that being sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it and I don’t have to fix it.” One of the things that I have really worked on this past year and even this past couple of months is just giving myself the permission to feel my feelings. My emotions are NOT something that I need to fix, and instead processing them, sitting with them and then eventually analyzing them is more beneficial than short term bandages that stop the bleeding for a period of time.

16. The relationship you CAN have with someone is often very different than the relationship you WANT to have with them. → Figuring out the differences between the two and re-evaluating your expectations can save you a lot of heartache.

17. Everyone should go to therapy at least four times in their lives. → Therapy is life changing. I advocate for it, I love it, and I think everyone should do it, that’s all.

18. I will no longer apologize for being me. → Example: I will no longer ever apologize for my music taste. Sure, I like really cringe boy band hits (yes, one direction, Justin Bieber, Jonas brothers are all on my playlists), and I listen to Disney Channel Movie Soundtracks WAYYY too often… but they make me happy and nothing cures a day of depression quite like jamming out to What Makes You Beautiful. (Tell me you can listen to that whole song without smiling and I am pretty sure you are a psychopath).

19. I really need to get a dog when I move out. I am convinced 23 will be the year of Gennie’s first dog. → I am not sure if I want a puppy or not, and I really need to move out before I get a dog. That being said, I am convinced that part of the reason that my mental health is currently doing so well is because I live with the two most affectionate dogs on the planet.

20. I have the most amazing friends. → I have said this time and time again in my articles and to anyone who asks. I have the most amazing friends and I am SO grateful and beyond blessed to have them.

21. If you place your worth in relationships on what you can DO for the other person, you are always going to be evaluating yourself based on what other people think. → this is one of the thoughts that I have been most recently struggling with. For the longest time I have found my worth in relationships in the ways that I can/do help others. What if I am unable to help them? What if I am unable to support them? What if what I am doing is not helpful, or not needed? What does it mean to be a good friend then? If you are constantly evaluating the value of your friendship/relationships based on what you can DO for other people you are missing the ways you are a good friend/partner by purely just being yourself and showing up.

22. The “I don’t know”s in life can be exciting, not overwhelming if you rephrase your thoughts. → there are two ways to think about the “I don’t knows” in life: 1) Wow I have no idea what I am doing and I am scared and I have no clue how to figure any of this out and 2) Wow I have no idea what I am doing and that is so exciting, there are so many possibilities and opportunities for me to take advantage of. If you catch yourself focusing and ruminating on the first option, try rephrasing your thoughts.

23. Sometimes the hardest, most difficult person to love is yourself. → Jeez are your early 20s a rough time for self love. There is always someone out there your age doing something bigger, and better. Someone traveling to where you have always wanted to go, someone taking a risk that you are too scared to yourself. At the end of the day, there is a reason why you are not those people. You are your own person and that is enough (faults and all). Treating yourself like your own best friend is one of the most difficult things I practice on a daily basis, and honestly will continue to be a struggle for me for a long time. Overall though it is one of the most rewarding things I try to implement.

This post is dedicated to everyone who has helped make my 23rd year on earth so special. I have the best family, friends, coworkers and support system a girl could ask for. I look forward to all the memories I will make with everyone in this next chapter of my life. Special shoutout to my twin and best friend for life, Emma. Happy Birthday bud, forever grateful to do life by your side :)